Ok, to have a happier, cheerier post for the evening, I want to brag about Spider Solitaire. I am finally getting to the point where I can beat the medium level. That's right, I am working with two suits now. None of the pansy one-suit game for me! Now if I could only get to the point where I can consistently beat the 2-suit level. I wonder when I will get to the four suit level...?
If you don't know what I am talking about, lucky for you. You have not yet been infected with the Spider Solitaire addiction.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Why can I not admit that I am in med school?
Funny thing happened to me today. I was on the bus on my way into school and I was reviewing some flash cards that I had made for my biochem class. (Funny side note: all class in med school, so far, have a class code that begins with HuBio. So even though my classes can be wildly different, they are all Human Biology classes.)
Anyway, back to the story. A woman got on the bus and sat next to me. I saw that she was checking out my cards and she turned to me and asked if they were medical terminology cards. At that instant, all I could think to do was deny a connect to medicine. So I told her they were for my biochem class and I was trying to brush up on amino acids, yada yada yada. Why couldn't I give her the quick answer of yes? I am in med school, they are for a class related to that.
So I think it may be two things.
1. I don't think I really believe that I am in med school or deserve to be here yet. I am hoping that goes away and I am having glimpses daily of "wow, I really feel like a med student", but then I move on to the next thing which today was reviewing the videotape of my patient interview where I looked like a nincompoop and had no idea what the patient was talking about when describing their medical issue. So it changes daily, hourly, by the minute, whether or not I feel like I have finally made it. I don't say this to ask for reassurance or accolade, but just to realize that I am feeling this way.
2. I feel guilty that I made it to med school. For better or worse (and when it was worse, it was worse!) I have been around "pre-meds" for the past 5 years. And that can be a whole other post in itself. Some of which I hope mature greatly before moving on, and some who really deserve to go to med school and who are going to be fanatastic doctors but still keep getting the pesky "not this year" letters. So why did I get here and they haven't yet? I haven't done anything super amazing with my life like feeding cheeseburgers to children dying of AIDS in the third world, but yet, I am sitting in class and in slightly less than 4 years, I will have an MD in my signature.
Well, I guess that now I have realized these feelings, I should try to work past them. So goal for myself: next time someone asks a question that could get one of two answers (med school, or some roundabout answer) I am going to try to admit what I have accomplished and what I am currently working through: med school. And try not to feel guilty and try to believe it.
Anyway, back to the story. A woman got on the bus and sat next to me. I saw that she was checking out my cards and she turned to me and asked if they were medical terminology cards. At that instant, all I could think to do was deny a connect to medicine. So I told her they were for my biochem class and I was trying to brush up on amino acids, yada yada yada. Why couldn't I give her the quick answer of yes? I am in med school, they are for a class related to that.
So I think it may be two things.
1. I don't think I really believe that I am in med school or deserve to be here yet. I am hoping that goes away and I am having glimpses daily of "wow, I really feel like a med student", but then I move on to the next thing which today was reviewing the videotape of my patient interview where I looked like a nincompoop and had no idea what the patient was talking about when describing their medical issue. So it changes daily, hourly, by the minute, whether or not I feel like I have finally made it. I don't say this to ask for reassurance or accolade, but just to realize that I am feeling this way.
2. I feel guilty that I made it to med school. For better or worse (and when it was worse, it was worse!) I have been around "pre-meds" for the past 5 years. And that can be a whole other post in itself. Some of which I hope mature greatly before moving on, and some who really deserve to go to med school and who are going to be fanatastic doctors but still keep getting the pesky "not this year" letters. So why did I get here and they haven't yet? I haven't done anything super amazing with my life like feeding cheeseburgers to children dying of AIDS in the third world, but yet, I am sitting in class and in slightly less than 4 years, I will have an MD in my signature.
Well, I guess that now I have realized these feelings, I should try to work past them. So goal for myself: next time someone asks a question that could get one of two answers (med school, or some roundabout answer) I am going to try to admit what I have accomplished and what I am currently working through: med school. And try not to feel guilty and try to believe it.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
It's No Fun to Be Sick!
I think that is the title of one of those Golden Books that I read as a younger version of myself, but it is so applicable this weekend. But the reality is that I am sick and I actually came down with quite a whopper. I have been awake now for barely 2 hours and all I want to do is go back to bed. And I have no milk for cereal. (And those who know me well, know that I need cereal or I start accumulating r's n my "grr"). But no, I feel so horrible that I don't have the energy to walk 2 blocks to the store so I am seriously contemplating driving the distance. Or maybe not, this post may wear me out so much that I may just go get back into bed. What to do?
Ok, enough of the complaining. But still the question: food or bed?
Ok, enough of the complaining. But still the question: food or bed?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I am seeing a patient tomorrow
Ok, I am nervous about seeing a patient tomorrow. Part of our class is about conducting patient interviews to improve our interviewing skills and to give us patient contact. I think it is a terrific idea, but it is a bit nerve-racking when I am officially 13 hours away from seeing the patient. If this were a normal interview I think I would be fine. As C can attest, I can be very outgoing professionally and when I need to be. Not to say that I am an anti-social recluse (well, at least not all of the time) and I really do enjoy seeing patients and hearing life stories.
But this interview is different. It is going to be videotaped!!! They are videotaping us so that we can have an idea of how we come across to a patient and what our non-verbal cues are like. So now I have several issues mounting:
1. I am completely willied out by watching or hearing myself on tape. Even a clip of it is terrible and now I have to watch this tape twice and one of those times with another person.
2. This is completely personal! If there is a problem in my presentation, I want to know about it, but I have to sit through a session of someone else critiquing my own personal habits and the way I naturally interact with another living being.
3. Did I mention that I don't like to see myself on tape. My voice always comes out funny like I have a really bad cold and I sound very nasal. (if this is true, please don't tell me, just continue to lie to me as you all have been doing so well for my whole life).
Why can't I be normal about this all and accept it as part of the class and not get so twickered?
Disgustingly enough, by this time tomorrow I will know that it had all turned out fine and that I sounded ok on the tape and I didn't make anyone cry and I will have that horrible feeling of knowing that all of this worry and thought was for naught.
Hindsight in foresight can really suck.
But this interview is different. It is going to be videotaped!!! They are videotaping us so that we can have an idea of how we come across to a patient and what our non-verbal cues are like. So now I have several issues mounting:
1. I am completely willied out by watching or hearing myself on tape. Even a clip of it is terrible and now I have to watch this tape twice and one of those times with another person.
2. This is completely personal! If there is a problem in my presentation, I want to know about it, but I have to sit through a session of someone else critiquing my own personal habits and the way I naturally interact with another living being.
3. Did I mention that I don't like to see myself on tape. My voice always comes out funny like I have a really bad cold and I sound very nasal. (if this is true, please don't tell me, just continue to lie to me as you all have been doing so well for my whole life).
Why can't I be normal about this all and accept it as part of the class and not get so twickered?
Disgustingly enough, by this time tomorrow I will know that it had all turned out fine and that I sounded ok on the tape and I didn't make anyone cry and I will have that horrible feeling of knowing that all of this worry and thought was for naught.
Hindsight in foresight can really suck.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I've been spied on!
And no, not in the infamous wire-tapping manner. Although some I know are paranoid enough to think that they are being tapped!
I finally got home after a long car ride (but after a terrific weekend in Eugene) and I was unloading the priority items from my car (read: the cat that wouldn't be quiet) and taking them upstairs. Well she was making noise. So sue me, she had just been through an ordeal in her world (a 15 minute car ride in mine). So I get her in the apartment, smell the horrible smell eminating from my kitchen, and head back down to the car for the next load. Well guess what, there is one of my neighbors peering out from their front door to find out, probably, "what the ruckus was". Jeez louise! Does it sound like something bad is going on? No, it sounds like a cat is making noise, and just meowing, not noise like it is being tortured or anything.
Some people! Well, at least that person got some excitement in their evening.
I finally got home after a long car ride (but after a terrific weekend in Eugene) and I was unloading the priority items from my car (read: the cat that wouldn't be quiet) and taking them upstairs. Well she was making noise. So sue me, she had just been through an ordeal in her world (a 15 minute car ride in mine). So I get her in the apartment, smell the horrible smell eminating from my kitchen, and head back down to the car for the next load. Well guess what, there is one of my neighbors peering out from their front door to find out, probably, "what the ruckus was". Jeez louise! Does it sound like something bad is going on? No, it sounds like a cat is making noise, and just meowing, not noise like it is being tortured or anything.
Some people! Well, at least that person got some excitement in their evening.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Mid-term Down Time
It is official, I have passed my first anatomy class. I would love to say that I have passed anatomy period, except for the fact that we still have musculoskeletal anatomy next year (translation: arms, legs, and back). So today I am sitting on the couch with almost nothing to do. Well no, there is a lot I should be doing, but right now I am sitting on the couch writing this post, cleaning out my inboxes and waiting for the mailman to bring my next netflix movie.
Anatomy is over, so why am I sad? Well, I think for a number of reasons. For the past 6 weeks, I have been living, breathing, sleeping, studying anatomy. I don't think I have had a night's sleep in the last 6 weeks that hasn't included at least one dream about anatomy. You can ask Chemical Craig, he has had the misfortune of talking to me while I am barely awake and mumbling about superman, trapezius muscles, and who knows what else. And anyone who has had the misfortune of being around me has heard all about dissections, obscure nerves and blood vessels and completely uninteresting tidbits like the etymologic root of several obsure anatomical terms. And I guess I should apologize to my sister for tickling her and then explaining the exact nervous reflex that is involved.
But now the class is done. And I don't feel I really got to say goodbye to the class. I won't miss the schedule, but it has been what I have been living for the past 6 weeks. I will miss the professors, I will miss some of the lame inside jokes my lab group had, and I am sad about our cadaver. I don't feel that I got a chance to get to say goodbye. But maybe that was because the smell alone was enough to hasten my exit on the last day. While the class was going on, I had to distance myself and pretend it was just plastic and unreal, but now I can be a bit sad. And anyone who does know me, knows that I get sad at the ends of things (movies, books, moving, etc.)
Oh well, the next bunch of classes start in a couple of days. And in the mean time, I get to go down to Eugene to see two of the three C's in my life.
Oh yeah, and today I am supposed to be getting some things done, like cleaning my apartment, washing all of the stinky anatomy clothes, washing my dishes, but right now I am just sitting on the couch, will probably put a movie on, pick up my cross-stitching, and my kitten is sleeping right next to my shoulder.
It's nice to be lazy once in a while. Especially since I passed anatomy and I am one step closer to becoming a doctor.
Anatomy is over, so why am I sad? Well, I think for a number of reasons. For the past 6 weeks, I have been living, breathing, sleeping, studying anatomy. I don't think I have had a night's sleep in the last 6 weeks that hasn't included at least one dream about anatomy. You can ask Chemical Craig, he has had the misfortune of talking to me while I am barely awake and mumbling about superman, trapezius muscles, and who knows what else. And anyone who has had the misfortune of being around me has heard all about dissections, obscure nerves and blood vessels and completely uninteresting tidbits like the etymologic root of several obsure anatomical terms. And I guess I should apologize to my sister for tickling her and then explaining the exact nervous reflex that is involved.
But now the class is done. And I don't feel I really got to say goodbye to the class. I won't miss the schedule, but it has been what I have been living for the past 6 weeks. I will miss the professors, I will miss some of the lame inside jokes my lab group had, and I am sad about our cadaver. I don't feel that I got a chance to get to say goodbye. But maybe that was because the smell alone was enough to hasten my exit on the last day. While the class was going on, I had to distance myself and pretend it was just plastic and unreal, but now I can be a bit sad. And anyone who does know me, knows that I get sad at the ends of things (movies, books, moving, etc.)
Oh well, the next bunch of classes start in a couple of days. And in the mean time, I get to go down to Eugene to see two of the three C's in my life.
Oh yeah, and today I am supposed to be getting some things done, like cleaning my apartment, washing all of the stinky anatomy clothes, washing my dishes, but right now I am just sitting on the couch, will probably put a movie on, pick up my cross-stitching, and my kitten is sleeping right next to my shoulder.
It's nice to be lazy once in a while. Especially since I passed anatomy and I am one step closer to becoming a doctor.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Personal Journal of Margie Howser, M.D.
I have recently discovered Doogie Howser (thanks to Cassie), and I am speedily working through season one. I can't believe that have not seen this show before!! Where was I in the early 90s? Mars?! Well, the martians probably even have Doogie Howser!
So my blog was named as such by my very dear non-medical friends and boyfriend. So I figured I owed it to Doogie to watch his work and get to know the show.
As I sit here...(thoughtful, reflective pause)...and type 10 words an hour I am realizing the not so many parallels between our lives:
1. I am not 16 and not a resident yet. While, yes, I have traditionally been the youngest person in my grade or class level at school, I can no longer claim as much. There is a 21 year old in our class who beats me out by at least 10 months if she is still 21.
2. Luckily, I do not have Vinnie to continually get me in trouble in every aspect of my life. I do however have some terrific friends that throughly enjoy a little Fondude (no that is not misspelled) but who support what I would do and try not to mess it up for me.
3. I don't still live at home, but that seems like a nice option when I think about how much I pay in rent. These rent checks are still smarting a little when I think about how much rent used to be in good ol' Eugene.
4. But we both are super cool and super smart (Ha! super stretch on that one!)
So in conclusion, although I am finding a lot of differences so far, at least Doogie and I share the introspective moment to sit and reflect on our day. So here is my best attempt.
October 10, 2006: Studied for a final. Took a study break. Time keeps ticking.
So my blog was named as such by my very dear non-medical friends and boyfriend. So I figured I owed it to Doogie to watch his work and get to know the show.
As I sit here...(thoughtful, reflective pause)...and type 10 words an hour I am realizing the not so many parallels between our lives:
1. I am not 16 and not a resident yet. While, yes, I have traditionally been the youngest person in my grade or class level at school, I can no longer claim as much. There is a 21 year old in our class who beats me out by at least 10 months if she is still 21.
2. Luckily, I do not have Vinnie to continually get me in trouble in every aspect of my life. I do however have some terrific friends that throughly enjoy a little Fondude (no that is not misspelled) but who support what I would do and try not to mess it up for me.
3. I don't still live at home, but that seems like a nice option when I think about how much I pay in rent. These rent checks are still smarting a little when I think about how much rent used to be in good ol' Eugene.
4. But we both are super cool and super smart (Ha! super stretch on that one!)
So in conclusion, although I am finding a lot of differences so far, at least Doogie and I share the introspective moment to sit and reflect on our day. So here is my best attempt.
October 10, 2006: Studied for a final. Took a study break. Time keeps ticking.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Things I Have Learned About Blogging
I have learned several things while attempting to set up this blog.
1. A reliable internet connection is priceless. I have bumbling along with a hand-me-down router that is universally recognized by all who have used it to be an extremely tempermental, frustrating, worthless router. Yet I still accepted it and have been attempting to use it for the past 6 weeks. That changes today. The router disconnected my computer so many times, I lost count. Then when it actually was holding on to a thread of a connection, it was soooooo slow. Lookls like I am going to make Best Buy $50 dollars richer.
2. There is quite a bit of decision making involved in blogging. Just to set up this blog, I had to make A LOT of decisions. What to name it, what style background to use, what log in name, I want, a password, etc... All who know me, know that my decision making skills are still in the "To-Do" column. So name, background, and content are all subject to change.
3. This is scary. Suddenly I am putting thoughts and words out into cyber space for all to see and critique. No wonder my friend Cassie is reluctant to start. (although she does have one rockin' cool page and it will be a terrific blog when she starts!)
4. My friend Marisa must be a genius. She has now had a successful blog for quite some time. I have always thought she was super cool, but this puts over the top.
Ok, enough for now. I'll wait to write again until I have something more interesting to say.
1. A reliable internet connection is priceless. I have bumbling along with a hand-me-down router that is universally recognized by all who have used it to be an extremely tempermental, frustrating, worthless router. Yet I still accepted it and have been attempting to use it for the past 6 weeks. That changes today. The router disconnected my computer so many times, I lost count. Then when it actually was holding on to a thread of a connection, it was soooooo slow. Lookls like I am going to make Best Buy $50 dollars richer.
2. There is quite a bit of decision making involved in blogging. Just to set up this blog, I had to make A LOT of decisions. What to name it, what style background to use, what log in name, I want, a password, etc... All who know me, know that my decision making skills are still in the "To-Do" column. So name, background, and content are all subject to change.
3. This is scary. Suddenly I am putting thoughts and words out into cyber space for all to see and critique. No wonder my friend Cassie is reluctant to start. (although she does have one rockin' cool page and it will be a terrific blog when she starts!)
4. My friend Marisa must be a genius. She has now had a successful blog for quite some time. I have always thought she was super cool, but this puts over the top.
Ok, enough for now. I'll wait to write again until I have something more interesting to say.
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